Dogbert's Ruling Class dept
These true reports were filed by anonymous DNRC operatives:
I was busy writing some computer program for one of my classes and my
roommate asked me if he could use my coffee maker. I said, "sure."
The next thing I hear is, "Hey, where do you put the coffee?" I turn to
see that he has filled the filter basket with water and is
(unsuccessfully) trying to keep the water in the basket by plugging the
hole at the bottom with his finger. He and the floor are both covered
[Editor's note: Guess which one of these guys will be a senior manager
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee
asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross
the street. I was crossing with an intellectually
challenged co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what
the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the
light is red. She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people
At a goodbye lunch for an old and dear co-worker who is leaving the
company due to "rightsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "This is
fun. We should have lunch like this more often."
Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer
staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.
I worked with an Induhvidual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not
Sighting #6 (a rare "double sighting"):
A friend had a brilliant idea for saving disk space. He thought if he
put all his Microsoft Word documents into a tiny font they'd take up less
room. When he told me I was with another friend. She thought it was a
good idea too.
Sighting #7 (from Tech Support):
Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard
Induhvidual: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that
Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free
space. Is that enough?"
Sighting #8 (from Tech Support):
Induhvidual: Now what do I do?
Tech Support: What is the prompt on the screen?
Induhvidual: It's asking for "Enter Your Last Name."
Tech Support: Okay, so type in your last name.
Induhvidual: How do you spell that?
Sighting #9 (from Tech Support):
We received a support call from a customer who had problems connecting to
some dial-in lines. He said he found a solution to his connection
problems and would like to share it with us.
When he heard his modem retraining upon dialing in,
he would pick up the phone and make a "Kckgkth" noise, like a modem, into
the phone. Then he would hang up and get a reliable connection. He told
us he would be glad to record this noise and send it to us so that our
other customers could benefit from it.
After we stopped rolling on the floor laughing, we told him
he was just inserting line noise and was connecting at a lower speed.
Page written by Matthew Darwin
5036 hits since November 25, 2002