Signs You Have A Drinking Problem
- You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
- You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
- Job interferring with your drinking.
- Your docter finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
- Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.
- The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
- Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group
- 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
- Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
- When you can focus better with one eye closed.
- The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
- Every woman you see has an exact twin
- You fall off the floor...
- Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
- Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
- The glass keeps missing your mouth!
- Bill Clinton starts to make sense.
- Vampires catch a buzz after attacking you [also mosquitoes!]
- At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
- You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
- The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
- You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and [Women].
- Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more and more attractive.
- Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol.
- I'm not drunk... you're just sober... - HI OCIFER!!!!!!
- Roseanne looks good.
- Don't recognise wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
- That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
- Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
- You have a Reserved Parking space at the liquor store.
- I'm as jober as a sudge.
- You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki.
- You've fallen and you can't get up.
- BeerTender! Get me another Bar!
- The shrubbery's drunk too, from frequent watering.
Page written by Matthew Darwin
3,026 hits since November 25, 2002