If God were a computer programmer

There is one, and only one, fundamental proof of the proposition that computers belong to the temporal rather than the spiritual realm. If God were a computer programmer, the following scripture would be displayed on the wall of every cubicle in Silicon Valley:

I am /unix, thine operating system, which have brought thee forth out of thy bondage to machine code, out of the days of the front panel; thou shalt run no other operating system above me, beneath me, or beside me.

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven core image in binary, nor in octal, nor in hexadecimal; thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor program in them, for my kernel is a jealous kernel, visiting the core dumps of the parent process upon the third and fourth gener- ations of them that defile my system calls, but shew- ing mercy unto thousands of them who love lint and read my man pages.

Thou shalt not take the name of superuser in vain: for /unix will not hold him guiltless that invoketh super- user's name in vain.

Remember the sabbath day, to keep me wholly archived. Six days shalt thou edit, and do all thy compiles; but the seventh day is the sabbath of the system admini- strator, who shall earn time and a half therefor: In it, thou shalt suspend all user processes, and create my weekly tar dumps.

Honour thy parent process and thy process group, that thy connect time may be prolonged, and that thine exit status may be zero.

Thou shalt not kill init.

Thou shalt not adulterate my system files.

Thou shalt not steal any material proprietary to, or under license or sublicense by, or protected by copy- right or trademark of, Unix System Laboratories or the vendor of thine implementation.

Thou shalt not bear false witness on thy local host by running setuid programs across the network. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's workstation, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's doc set, nor his uid, nor his gid, nor any hardware nor software that is thy neighbour's.

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From: gm@loc100.tandem.com (harding_gm)

Page written by Matthew Darwin <matthew@mdarwin.ca>
3,366 hits since September 20, 1997