Taken from http://sunsite.unc.edu/pub/docs/humor/fionavar/niteb4_xmas
for Matthew's Humour Area.
The Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house,
Things were real mellow...
Even Irving, the Mouse.
Our boots were hung up,
The incense was lit,
In hope that St. Nick
Would soon do his bit.
The tree was decked out;
It was really a sight,
With love beads and flowers
And a flashing strobe light.
Wearing my T-shirt
From Woodstock Nation,
I was getting into some good meditation.
And my chick was doing some yoga in bed,
munching a fruit cake,
While propped on her head.
Then...pow!!...in the night...
...a hullabaloo!
It shook the waterbed
And woke up old Blue.
I stumbled around
And tripped on my beard.
It stuck to my toes
And felt really wierd.
When I got to the window,
I was really uptight,
'cause the scene I perceived
Was a mind blowing sight!
What through my shades
Did I see through the snow,
But eight tiny mooses
And a wild U.F.O.!
With this hip dude inside,
Looking kinky and groovy...
I flashed..."If this ain't Nick
It must be the late movie."
They blew in from the cosmos
Like some far-out caboose
And this fat cat kept yelling
At each midget moose:
"Right on, Dasher! On, Dancer!
GET IT ON...DO YOUR THING.
Get your bods in high gear, now,
And move this machine!"
Then onto the roof
They flew with a shout,
The whole Cosmic Crew
Really freaked me out!
They caused such a hassle
And made such a fuss,
I thought someone would call
The fuzz down on us.
But before I could say, "COOL IT!...
HOLD DOWN THAT LOUD JIVE,"
Nick zapped toward the chimney
And leaped in with a dive!
As he trucked from the fireplace,
His smile all agleam,
I thought, "ITS UNREAL!
It must be a dream!"
Then he nodded and said,
"This isn't a bummer...
Like, I've come in peace,
To groove my Yule Number."
His duds were all fur,
Trimmed in leather and such
And he came on stone funky...
...he was really too much.
His back pack was painted
With black light festoon,
Full of albums and posters
And a neon balloon.
His eyes, a light show!
His beard, da-glo bright!
A plastic, fantastic,
Kaleidoscope sight!
He looked like a guru,
This beautiful cat...
...I thought, like, wow!
...This dude knows where its at!
"Don't want to sound heavy,"
He said with a grin,
"My message is simple
So dig it, tune in."
"I brought you some goodies,
But that's not the thing.
My real trip is bringing
Good vibes to this scene."
So we rapped until dawn
About Peace, Love and Truth,
Then he said, "Gotta split, now,
Or I'll be late in Duluth."
He wiggled his nose and said,
"I did my bit"
And straight up the smoke hole
This fat cat did split!
As he sped from the roof
And into the air,
He shouted, "Let's get it together,
All you people down there!"
"Merry Christmas To All
And to all a Good Night!"
And then in a flash,
He streaked outta sight!
Page written by Matthew Darwin
<matthew@mdarwin.ca>
1,788 hits since August 20, 1997