Taken from http://www.best.com/~philc/Public/last.night.txt for Matthew's Humour Area.

Twas the Night before Christmas -- The Very Last One

From: Barnett.WBST (Anon. 1986)

'Twas the night before Christmas -- the very last one --
When the blazing of lasers destroyed all our fun.

Just as Santa had lifted off, driving his sleigh,
A satellite spotted him making his way.

The Star Wars Defense System -- Reagan's desire
Was ready for action, and started to fire!

The laser beams criss-crossed and lit up the sky
Like a fireworks show on the Fourth of July.

I'd just finished wrapping the last of the toys
When out of my chimney there came a great noise.

I looked to the fireplace, hoping to see
St. Nick bringing presents for missus and me.

But what I saw next was disturbing and shocking:
A flaming red jacket setting fire to my stocking!

Charred reindeer remains and a melted sleigh-bell;
Outside burning toys like confetti they fell.

So now you know, children, why Christmas is gone:
The Star Wars computer had got something wrong.

Only programmed for battle, it hadn't a heart;
'Twas hardly a chance it would work from the start.

It couldn't be tested, and no one could tell,
If the crazy contraption would work very well.

So after a trillion or two had been spent
The system thought Santa a Red missle sent.

So kids dry your tears now, and get off to bed,
There won't be a Christmas -- since Santa is dead.

Page written by Matthew Darwin <matthew@mdarwin.ca>
1,972 hits since March 16, 1999