Internet 1-Liner Signatures

• Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
• Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
• I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
• We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
• Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
• Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
• The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
• Did anyone see my lost carrier?
• Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
• I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
• He who laughs last thinks slowest!
• Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
• "More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"
• A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
• Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
• Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue.
• There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
• Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
• I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
• Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
• Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
• Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
• I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
• Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
• Double your drive space - delete Windows!
• What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
• Assassins do it from behind.
• If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
• "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
• Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
• Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
• Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
• I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
• Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
• I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
• The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
• Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
• The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
• When there's a will, I want to be in it.
• Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
• Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
• I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
• We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
• All generalizations are false, including this one.
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
• "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.