Real Engineers...

• Real Engineers consider themselves well dressed if their socks match.
• Real Engineers buy their spouses a set of matched screwdrivers for their birthday.
• Real Engineers wear moustaches or beards for "efficiency". Not because they're lazy.
• Real engineers have a non-technical vocabulary of 800 words.
• Real Engineers think a "biting wit" is their fox terrier.
• Real Engineers know the second law of thermodynamics - but not their own shirt size.
• Real Engineers repair their own cameras, telephones, televisions, watches, and automatic transmissions.
• Real Engineers say "It's 70 degrees Fahrenheit, 25 degrees Celsius, and 298 degrees Kelvin" and all you say is "Isn't it a nice day"
• Real Engineers give you the feeling you're having a conversation with a dial tone or busy signal.
• Real Engineers wear badges so they don't forget who they are. Sometimes a note is attached saying "Don't offer me a ride today. I drove my own car".
• Real Engineers' politics run towards acquiring a parking space with their name on it and an office with a window.
• Real Engineers know the "ABC's of Infrared" from A to B.
• Real Engineers rotate their tires for laughs.
• Real Engineers will make four sets of drawings (with seven revisions) before making a bird bath.
• Real Engineers' briefcases contain a Phillips screwdriver, a copy of "Quantum Physics", and a half of a peanut butter sandwich.
• Real Engineers don't find the above at all funny.