Rules To Live By
- Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder . . .
- 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
- Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
- Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
- . . . Every morning is the dawn of a new error . . .
- For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
- I can see clearly now, the brain is gone . . .
- I used up all my sick days so I'm calling in dead.
- There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
- I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
- Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
- A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
- If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
- If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown
- If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
- If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary
- It's not hard to meet expenses; they're everywhere.
- Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
- Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
- Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
- What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
- Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
- Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
- Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
- Computers are not intelligent; they only think they are.
- My software never has bugs; it just develops random features.
- C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
- The definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones
- BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
- Does fuzzy logic tickle?
- 24 hours in a day . . . 24 beers in a case . . . coincidence?
- Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
- Who's General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
- Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
- Shell to DOS . . . Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS . . .
- All computers wait at the same speed.
- DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and
- Press <CTRL><ALT><DEL> to continue . . .
- Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue . . .
- ACSII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
- Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
- "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981
- Hit any user to continue.
- Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down the entire network?
(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?
- If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming
must be the process of putting them in.
- Programmers don't die; they just GOSUB without RETURN.
- Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing
with inanimate objects.
- Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it
should be hard to understand.
- Will the information highway have any rest stops?
Page written by Matthew Darwin
3,489 hits since July 14, 1997