What's all the HOOPLA about? Programming Jargon, you neophyte

By Wayne V. Herbert (From the Peer to Peer section of InfoWorld, 10/4/93)

Object-oriented programming is confusing. Even the definition of object-oriented programming is open to many different interpretations. This sad state of affairs reduces productivity and hinders the spread of this exciting new technology.

All is not lost, though. With the announcement of HOOPLA (Hopelessly Obtuse Object Programming Language with Attachements), the ultimate in object-oriented development environments is available to even the most skeptical programmer. HOOPLA not only embodies all the paradigms and concepts of today's object-oriented languages, it provides many extensions and techniques to further obfuscate the art and science of computer programming.

The list of HOOPLA's benefits is nearly endless, but here are a few that will keep trainers busy for years to come.

HOOPLA goes beyond merely supporting and enhancing the standard object-oriented buzzwords. In addition to providing extensible code, HOOPLA supports existential code, allowing programmers to write programs that are out of this world. HOOPLA code is reusable, recyclable, refillable, and biodegradable, meeting all future government standards for nonpolluting code.

Although object databases are relatively new, HOOPLA supports existing standards and sets the standards for future object-oriented database development with such robust constructs as ALIEN (Awfully Large Inclusions of Extra Nulls). Such powerful class types require a whole new approach to information retrieval, and HOOPLA stands up to the task with SMOKE (Single/Multiple Object Kwery and Extraction) and MIRROR (Massively Inefficient Random Retrieval of Object Resources).

HOOPLA is slated to sell for $895. During the introductory period, however, HOOPLA will be available as a competitive upgrade for $6.95 if the title page from any Nancy Drew mystery is included with the order. A HOOPLA representative said, "It is appropriate. We want to take the mystery out of object-oriented programming."

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