What's all the HOOPLA about? Programming Jargon, you neophyte
By Wayne V. Herbert (From the Peer to Peer section of InfoWorld, 10/4/93)
Object-oriented programming is confusing. Even the definition of
object-oriented programming is open to many different interpretations.
This sad state of affairs reduces productivity and hinders the spread
of this exciting new technology.
All is not lost, though. With the announcement of HOOPLA (Hopelessly
Obtuse Object Programming Language with Attachements), the ultimate in
object-oriented development environments is available to even the most
skeptical programmer. HOOPLA not only embodies all the paradigms and
concepts of today's object-oriented languages, it provides many
extensions and techniques to further obfuscate the art and science of
The list of HOOPLA's benefits is nearly endless, but here are a few
that will keep trainers busy for years to come.
HOOPLA goes beyond merely supporting and enhancing the standard
object-oriented buzzwords. In addition to providing extensible code,
HOOPLA supports existential code, allowing programmers to write
programs that are out of this world. HOOPLA code is reusable,
recyclable, refillable, and biodegradable, meeting all future
government standards for nonpolluting code.
- Metamorphism. Expanding on the concept of polymorphism, HOOPLA's
powerful artificial intelligence automatically changes class
libraries and objects while you are asleep. Based on the few lines
of code you write today, HOOPLA "knows" that sooner or later you
will have to code the details of the module and does it for you.
Plus, the changes are hidden, ensuring that class ancestor code
remains a mystery.
- Two-Parent Inheritance (TPI). Taking a cue from biology, TPI
combines classes from separate hierarchies and subjects them to a
"survival of the fittest" test. Any classes that don't cause
unrecoverable application errors are incorporated as new derived
- Dynamic Bondage and Discipline. Allows programmers to write a
generic routine and use it over and over again, with unpredictable
results. Through the discipline module, however, programmers can
be assured instructions will be obeyed and unruly objects won't
make the same mistake again.
- Object Insistence. Taking persistent objects one step further,
insistent objects finally solve the most dreaded of programming
errors: the accidental deletion of code. Insistent objects don't
go away even when you want them to.
- Graphical Object-Oriented Programming (GOOP). Recognizing that
some of the most brilliant ideas have resulted from doodles, GOOP
provides the programmer with a library (a Dynamic Link Library,
actually) of thousands of whirlygigs, curlicues, doodads, and
whooziwhatzis that can be linked together using toolbar functions.
When complete, the programmer simply clicks on the "invent" icon
(a lightbulb) and reams of notation code are automatically
generated. For the advanced programmer, this module comes with the
Graphical Library Object Parser (GLOP).
Although object databases are relatively new, HOOPLA supports existing
standards and sets the standards for future object-oriented database
development with such robust constructs as ALIEN (Awfully Large
Inclusions of Extra Nulls). Such powerful class types require a whole
new approach to information retrieval, and HOOPLA stands up to the
task with SMOKE (Single/Multiple Object Kwery and Extraction) and
MIRROR (Massively Inefficient Random Retrieval of Object Resources).
HOOPLA is slated to sell for $895. During the introductory period,
however, HOOPLA will be available as a competitive upgrade for $6.95
if the title page from any Nancy Drew mystery is included with the
order. A HOOPLA representative said, "It is appropriate. We want to
take the mystery out of object-oriented programming."
Page written by Matthew Darwin
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